Bad things never leave you.
It’s a rotten fact
that every city cop knows. They fade away, slowly over time, like blood stains
on white fabric. But they never completely vanish. Some trace always remains,
and whether it comes out in the form of cold sweats, anxiety attacks, or just
plain nightmares usually depends on what else you’re dealing with at the time.
The visually
horrific calls – the stabbings, the hangings, or the machinegun hits like the
one we dealt with last year where the inside of the cab looked like a dirty butcher’s
shop – they hit you in a more superficial way. And how could they not with
their meaty injuries, wailing victims, and fetid smells?
All of that has a
rattling effect on even the strongest person.
But it’s the other calls that wake you in the middle
of the night.
It’s those other
calls that leave you feeling desperate and out-of-control – the child that’s
been missing for so long you begin to wonder if you’re ever going to find them;
the pregnant hostage with a knife against her jugular; or the unsuspecting family
who’s about to learn that a loved one has just been killed. Those are the calls
that haunt you. That keep you awake at night.
That leave you
with that cold, dark, hollow feeling.
Those calls are
the reasons I write my novels.
I guess writing is
more than an obsession, it’s a compulsion. But a necessary one. Homicide
Detective Jacob Striker is my release valve. Without him, my boiler would
eventually burst. So thanks, Jacob.
My fan base sends
me a ton of email on him – on whether or not Striker is a collection of cops,
one of my former mentors, or just some hero I’ve constructed.
The truth is
simple: Out of all the characters I’ve created, Striker is the most like me,
except he handles things the way most cops would like to – immediately,
directly, in a no-nonsense fashion.
And to Hell with
the consequences.
The thought makes
me smile. How nice that simplicity would be.
As I write this
feed, I am actually taking a break from my current work. The Guilty is about to be released in the United Kingdom, Monster is in the hands of my editor,
and The Burden, is a third done.
It sounds like a
lot of work, especially when piled on top of all the other issues us cops have
to endure – the mandatory call-outs, the unwanted court subpoenas, the required
upgrade and qualification courses, and of course the never-ending slew of police
files that dominate your every waking hour. (Actually it is a lot of work, now that I think of it! Jeez!)
But in the end,
the writing is the one thing I enjoy most. It is my freedom from the cold
realities of policing. It is the purest form of escapism. And it is without a
doubt the cheapest therapy on the market.
Hell, it even
pays.
And all that
aside, it is simply just…needed. Otherwise
something would eventually give in, bend, snap, or burst inside of me. And I
would break down.
Why?
It’s pretty
simple, really.
It’s the bad
things…they never really leave you.
Sean Slater is a
real life cop in Vancouver’s Downtown East Side. In his line of work he has
investigated everything from gang warfare, fraud and extortion to homicide. His
Jacob Striker series blisters with authenticity. Read Sean’s latest novel, The Guilty, out now.
